i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
