College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Are my feet made of real feet?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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