apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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