Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
