he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
