Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
