apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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