Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
