i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
