That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I cut my penus on the lid.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Randomize
