you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
