yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
