that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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