I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
