Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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