My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
