Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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