Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
