Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
