You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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