The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
