I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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