love makes seman taste better
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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