singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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