3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
