SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
