The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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