Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
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