you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
