he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
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