i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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