I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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