i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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