Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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