she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
