I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
