I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
