I wanna passion pit in your ass
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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