Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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