too bad you live with your parents still
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
