READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
