that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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