That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
