i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
