I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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