Jerry, you need to find god
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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