I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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