well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
