he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
