Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
