Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
