Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
